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From handwritten prayer journal December 26, 2017

Lord,

I know you know all that has happened. It certainly wasn't what I wanted but I trust that You know better.  I am glad I found out the truth before I wasted anymore time or more of my heart.

I know You know the awful things I said in the midst of my pain. Some of it--they deserved. Adn I do regret that I couldn't control my emotions or actions. Nothing excuses what I said. And I'll do my best to make amends in time--thought I doubt they care.  Right now the only forgiveness that metters to me is Yours for me and mine for those that hurt me. I know You will deal with them. I know that he didn't fit Your plan for my life--that I couldn't take him to where You are taking me, for whatever reason. I still need You to show me what Your plan is. And I trust that You will.

Thank you for my family and friends that have stuck with me thru this awful time. Help me to stay off social media and anything else not meant for me to mend my heart, grow my faith or anything that takes my focus off You.

In Jesus' name,

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